This past year has been a whirlwind of experiences; from wonderful and magical to heartbreaking and nerve-wrecking, my last year has been full of all kinds of challenges.
…I’m going to open up quite a bit, which feels weird…but you lot all seem like pretty nice people, so I think I can do it.
Learning to trust again.
Unfortunately, there were quite a number of occurrences in 2017 that I wasn’t mentally prepared for; to be frank, I don’t think anyone would ever be ready to experience them. Some days would start so bright, but then the slightest thing would set off a roller-coaster of emotions, reminding me all over again that those events weren’t a figment of my imagination. It was weird…even when I wasn’t sad, I felt “off” and “heavy”, as though I was constantly drowning, never able to reach the surface. Because of these events, it was hard to trust people, even those that never gave me a reason not to trust them.
But then…I learned to simply breathe and let go. No, I’m still not a 100 % okay…there are days I’m scared to walk out my front door, to explore the world, and to confide in others when the world becomes a dark and scary place. But I remember that I have people in my life that are my heroes, the ones who were there when I needed them most and never turned their back on me, never grew frustrated by my mood shifts and anxieties. I owe these people so much…thank you.
Learning to experience new things without fear controlling me
I am the FIRST person to admit that I suffer from anxiety and being over-sensitive; seriously, I have to actually be cautious of the books I read and films I watch. My mom says I’ve been like this since I was a kid. So trying new things has always been a challenge…
Moving to Ottawa was one of the BIGGEST decisions of my life; with no family or close friends here, I had to start fresh. It was absolutely terrifying! However, my roommate at the time made it so much easier. Not only did I try new things that I probably wouldn’t have done before, but I made amazing connections with wonderful people. From going to an EDM festival to hot yoga sessions to 5K runs, I finally started to LIVE. Still living in Ottawa today, I take it day by day, attempting to concur my fears as they come.
Learning that I am capable of many things.
With anxiety comes a lot of self-doubt…MAN this post is DEPRESSING. Seriously though, it’s as though you live a life constantly questioning things. Do those people actually like me? Am I a good person? Am I making the right choices in my career? Am I GOOD enough? Honestly, the constant battle everyday grows rather tiresome.
With my decision to experience new things came a realization that I AM capable of many things. I’m a confident yogi who knows how to rave like no other and is slowly but surely learning to properly host a book blog. People hang out with me because they WANT to, not because they HAVE to. Though I’m not perfect and I make mistakes, I am a GOOD person. I am capable of many great things.
…So sorry about the depressing (ish) post! Honestly, I’m living a wonderful life. Though there are struggles, it’s grand and joyous as well!