52 Weeks of Gratitude Challenge [Week Fifty]: Lessons Learned this Year

This past year has been a whirlwind of experiences; from wonderful and magical to heartbreaking and nerve-wrecking, my last year has been full of all kinds of challenges.

…I’m going to open up quite a bit, which feels weird…but you lot all seem like pretty nice people, so I think I can do it.

Learning to trust again.

Unfortunately, there were quite a number of occurrences in 2017 that I wasn’t mentally prepared for; to be frank, I don’t think anyone would ever be ready to experience them. Some days would start so bright, but then the slightest thing would set off a roller-coaster of emotions, reminding me all over again that those events weren’t a figment of my imagination. It was weird…even when I wasn’t sad, I felt “off” and “heavy”, as though I was constantly drowning, never able to reach the surface. Because of these events, it was hard to trust people, even those that never gave me a reason not to trust them.

But then…I learned to simply breathe and let go. No, I’m still not a 100 % okay…there are days I’m scared to walk out my front door, to explore the world, and to confide in others when the world becomes a dark and scary place. But I remember that I have people in my life that are my heroes, the ones who were there when I needed them most and never turned their back on me, never grew frustrated by my mood shifts and anxieties. I owe these people so much…thank you.

Learning to experience new things without fear controlling me

I am the FIRST person to admit that I suffer from anxiety and being over-sensitive; seriously, I have to actually be cautious of the books I read and films I watch. My mom says I’ve been like this since I was a kid. So trying new things has always been a challenge…

Moving to Ottawa was one of the BIGGEST decisions of my life; with no family or close friends here, I had to start fresh. It was absolutely terrifying! However, my roommate at the time made it so much easier. Not only did I try new things that I probably wouldn’t have done before, but I made amazing connections with wonderful people. From going to an EDM festival to hot yoga sessions to 5K runs, I finally started to LIVE. Still living in Ottawa today, I take it day by day, attempting to concur my fears as they come.

Learning that I am capable of many things.

With anxiety comes a lot of self-doubt…MAN this post is DEPRESSING. Seriously though, it’s as though you live a life constantly questioning things. Do those people actually like me? Am I a good person? Am I making the right choices in my career? Am I GOOD enough? Honestly, the constant battle everyday grows rather tiresome.

With my decision to experience new things came a realization that I AM capable of many things. I’m a confident yogi who knows how to rave like no other and is slowly but surely learning to properly host a book blog. People hang out with me because they WANT to, not because they HAVE to. Though I’m not perfect and I make mistakes, I am a GOOD person. I am capable of many great things.

…So sorry about the depressing (ish) post! Honestly, I’m living a wonderful life. Though there are struggles, it’s grand and joyous as well!

Happy Reading!

2 thoughts on “52 Weeks of Gratitude Challenge [Week Fifty]: Lessons Learned this Year

  1. You’re not alone, not at all. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) in the summer of 2015. I started seeing a counselor because I was having terrible flashbacks of my abusive ex-boyfriend while finishing my wedding plans. She helped me immensely, and I’m grateful that I asked for help when I did. I, too, am learning to trust others again. I’m extremely cautious on social media now, especially private messages. One of my male college “friends” took advantage of me through Facebook Messenger, and that was another dark place for roughly 18 months between 2014-2016. I’m so grateful that he’s not in my life anymore, either.

    I’m glad you’re continuing to learn about yourself, trust yourself and your surroundings, and expressing the negative thoughts. I’ve found several people who think it’s so important to not be negative at all and be essentially “fake positives,” and it bothers me so much! I smell a blog post brewing, haha. You’re wonderful – Thank you for being amazing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and thoughts; that takes a lot of courage and confidence to do that. It’s hard being super happy one minute then feeling like a complete downer the next. I’m always described as the “fun and optimistic and giggly” one, but it’s so hard to be that ALL the time. You want to be, since it’s great to feel all that…but it almost started to feel “fake” which I hated. I’m definitely getting better and it’s nice to know I’m not alone (not that I want other people to feel sad or anything!).

      Thank you again for your kind words and support! It really made my day today 😊


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